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Wendy wolfgang's avatar

I have been waiting for you. I have been on this same journey, my friend. I read Codependent No More a couple of years ago and the marked the thing up like crazy. I loved the dailyness of the book. Just want to cheer you on. Life continues to surprise and delight. I am freer than I;ve ever been.

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Jonathan Bristow's avatar

Dear friend... "I have been waiting for you." (Tears. Immediate gushing. Couldn't even read the rest of your message without pausing for a breath. 💜😭 What an incredible statement. I feel so seen. Heard. Held close. You are such a wonderful keeper of my spirit, always.) I know we seem to share so much on this road together. You continue to inspire, shape and mold my heart and mind. I am so grateful to follow your lead. Thank you for sharing of this, and of your freedom! The surprises and delights - I'm so happy to hear and know this. Thank you so much for being here with me. 🙏💜

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Shannon Amburn's avatar

I get this and it is still a struggle at 60 and after 3 years counseling. I am going to visit the group where I am most codependent in a few weeks and am a bit anxious. I feel certain I have the tools to navigate the visit, but I know if I am not diligent I will be about two conversations away from being a 60-year-old little boy again.

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Jonathan Bristow's avatar

Ugh. 💜🙏 My friend, thank you for saying this. On the one hand, I read this and thought, "dammit, it doesn't get easier." Haha. But I don't think that's the truth. That's not what I hear in your words, actually. What I hear is that we're on a path, a new path, of trusting and believing in ourselves, our worthiness, our thoughts, ideas, voices. And through the hard work you've done and are doing that we can feel more prepared, we can develop tools, we can learn our blind spots, our triggers... and all of this, to me, sounds like we're taking our power back. The power that was taken (or never even offered to us in the first place, kept/concealed from us.) We share so much on this road, friend. I appreciate you so, so deeply. 🙏 Ugh. That little boy in the body feeling is just the WORST. Perhaps knowing me and so, so many others see you as this really amazing, beautiful and powerful grown-ass adult person who has done so much and overcome so much to bring beauty and safety and acceptance and goodness to others can help a bit. Maybe we need to start the grown-ass adults club and help remind each other of this grown-ass adult real business we've tended to, the brutally hard inner work we've plunged into in ways that those who have gone before us were never willing to do or even consider doing. You're a great man, Shannon. Thanks for being a great friend to me. 💜🙏

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Shannon Amburn's avatar

Update on my trip. The tools worked. There were some conversations I avoided going very deep into. I think that was a way to protect myself and it was certainly an acknowledgement that some issues will not be resolved this side of the grave. For the most part I was authentic and told my truth. Hope you are flourishing.

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Jonathan Bristow's avatar

Oh man! This is beautiful and exciting! Thx so much for following up about this. This sounds like a great victory, and should be celebrated. Awesome work, Shannon. Sounds like such great boundaries practice. You knew going in where you were willing to go, and where you were not. And you held onto those. And I imagine that empowered you to tell your truth as needed, as you said here. Thx for encouraging me and all others here with this.

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Shannon Amburn's avatar

I am thankful to have a group we call Whiskey Church. We get together on Sunday evenings, sip whiskey, smoke whatever, and check-in. I do a lot of processing in that group. Next time you are in the area on a Sunday night I would love for you to visit if it could work into your schedule. You know and love all the humans that gather. Shalom friend.

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Jonathan Bristow's avatar

Oh man. Yes, Whiskey Church! Several of you have extended invitation to me for this sacred space. I can't wait to join in when it works out. 😊🙏

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Phil's avatar

Jon I’m grateful to read your words and thank you for your honesty. As somebody who was shouldering my management of others perceptions and expectations in similar spaces and seasons to you, I’m grateful to hear your process of freedom from that scared-ness. We were recruited to a system of limitation and scarcity, and I’m grateful to hear you’re exercising and growing your understanding of the abundance available to you.

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Jonathan Bristow's avatar

Oh, man. Phil, thank you so for these words. 💜🙏 For this wisdom and insight. Ugh. limitation and scarcity. Such a basis of fear, right? Not freedom, but control. All about management. Maintaining structures so often times that were so flawed and harmful/toxic. I've been pondering even just this past 24 hours on this idea of abundance - what would life feel like if we just expected goodness? Felt deserving of those things. Not in a competitive way, in that I'm better or more deserving than any other. But just that I'm good, and deserving of that abundance. That I'm loved and the desires of my heart are good? My therapist just chuckled a bit processing this yesterday, and just said, "what if you tried that out?" Haha. Seems so simple, right? I'm going to try it out. Let's do it together and report back. 💜

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John Wolfgang's avatar

These words are so important to hear...for you, for me, for others. Keep them coming...please.

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Jonathan Bristow's avatar

Thank you, dear friend. For these words. For seeing me. For encouraging me! So grateful for you! 🙏💜

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Barbara Benner's avatar

Now that you’ve taken the first Big step,

Opening up, I hope you will have take your time and know there are many of us out here that pulling for you with love.

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Jonathan Bristow's avatar

💜🙏🥹 Thank you so, very much. For these words. For seeing me. For the always and forever love and support. You help me soar.

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Boone's avatar

First, I want to say, nobody… zero reasonable humans… are out there thinking “hmmm, why hasn’t Jon written another post?” or “maybe he shouldn’t have started this thing if he wasn’t ready to publish regularly.”

Zero reasonable humans. (And if they are thinking that, they’re an unreasonable human, or maybe a reasonable llama, because we all know how judgmental those MFs are.)

This space is first and foremost for you. You don’t owe anybody anything. Then, it becomes a gift to those who can hear it, and their solidarity can be a gift back to you. Not their praise, or their satisfied expectations of you, but their solidarity.

Next, I’ve actually been having conversations lately that remind me of this codependency idea. See, when Shannon wrote above “I’m going to visit the group where I’m most codependent,” I was like ^^THIS^^ 😳 because I actually think for the last 20 years, I’ve somehow stumbled into a balance of selflessness and selfishness that has served me incredibly well… but my first 18 years still exist in me, and that cast of characters is still out there, and I have to choose whether or not I’m going to share any of myself, my life, time, energy with them (let alone that of my partner and children) but I can’t unlearn the patterns I learned as a child. At least, I haven’t yet.

Alright, that’s enough from me for the moment. Keep it up brother, whether it’s one a week, one a month, or one a year, do it for you and it will touch the people who need it.

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